From: Bleeg <bleeg@my-deja.com>
Subject: Battlefield Earth Jokes from BE message board
Date: Fri, 26 May 2000 17:58:56 GMT
Message-ID: <8gme0m$gpn$1@nnrp1.deja.com>
These jokes and humorous comments were from a thread in WB's BE message board (for anyone who missed out.) By the way, the BE message board appears to have disappeared as of today... don't know if it's a temporary thing or not.
wogzilla: A Psychlo walks into a Psychlo bar. He walks up to the Psychlo bartender and says, "BWUAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!" So the Psychlo bartender says, "AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH!!!" To which the Psychlo replies, "BUAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!"
Randomfactor: How many Psychlos does it take to replace a light bulb?
Answer: That's not funny, you BIGOT! You NAZI! You MINDLESS ROBOT!
(Do I have to tone right?)
BattlefieldMirth: To which Johnnie replies "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" with clumps of dirt and rock falling down at a tilted angle.
FayeValentine: Wait, don't forget the end of the joke has to end in a screen wipe.
BattlefieldMirth: A couple friends of mine from work have started yelling NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo as a joke whenever we hear something mildly annoying. Today we did it when we heard we had a meeting. Perhaps this movie will live on.. Noooooooooooooooo and Silly man animal might forever be parts of our venacular.
wogzilla: One of the most goofiest things in the movie is the music - which actually sounds OK by itself when listening to the cd but is used completely wrong in the movie. Like in the scene just before the smokestack falls, where everyone is just walking in line slowly, yet the music is raging on ("AHHH AHHHHH BUM BUM AAAAHH UHHHH BUM BUM!!!") like it's some great big intense battle scene or something.
The whole movie is just so damn inept in every way.
Seeker55: You sure weren't listening closely were you. If you were you would have noticed and appreciated the way the music set the stage for the action and tracked with it 100 percent. No attempt at a commercial hook here (or a cutsie Disney tune). The music was raw emotion, and blended into each scene seamlessly. Very competently done.
Valmorian: That's a nice opinion, but I'm sure you'll find that the majority of film critics will disagree with you on that. Since they have, for the most part, education aimed at discerning such qualities in movies, I'm more tempted to agree with them.
Not to mention that I wouldn't even really need to hear them to figure THAT out.
XENUTV: Seeker is right.
You have to admit there was no pop ballad love song in the background as Johnnie and that girl with the 'splosives round her neck held hands through a field of poppies.
You gotta give the movie that.
Bleeg: JOHN TRAVOLTA: "Tom? Tom Cruise, is that you?" TOM CRUISE: "Well, well, John Travolta! I haven't seen you since you made that Battleflo- er, field Earth! What was that, ten years ago now?" JOHN: "Um, yeah, well, I'm not allowed to- I mean, I don't like to talk about that." TOM: "That reminds me, I want to thank you for making that uh, film... it really opened my eyes to that crazy cult. The best thing I ever did was leave it" JOHN: "I see. Well, I think we're done here." TOM: "Wow, that is one great shine job, Johnny. Here, keep the change- see ya!" JOHN: "Nazi bastard."
"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "John Travolta's career!" "John Travolta's career who?" "John Tra... Tra... auaggghhhhhuhhhhhhhhhhh..."-THUD-
Q: What's the difference between Battlefield Earth and a turd? A: Turds don't cost 80 million dollars.
Q: What's the difference between Battlefield Earth and a train wreck? A: People look at train wrecks.
Q: What's the difference between Battlefield Earth and a Kubrick film? A: Why don't we give you a Personality Test and talk about it. Q: What's the difference between a religion and a sinister cult? A: SHUT THE F*** UP, YOU NAZI KLANSMAN HITLER-LOVING BIGOT!!! OUR LAWYERS WILL CRUSH YOU AND YOUR EVIL PSYCHIATRIST HANDLERS!!!
ANAGRAMS for BATTLEFIELD EARTH: belittle fart head / half literate debt / abetted real filth / if hell abetted art fetid art ballet, eh? / had feeble art tilt / BE: fetid lethal art / BE: little fart head beheld a fart title / ate til beheld fart / debate filth later / it left bad leather bad title falter, eh? / let bad hate filter / felt the bad retail / lift bad threat, eel! alert! it bad! left, eh? / bad tilt hater? flee! / it bad! he left later / it'll fear bad teeth their bad tall feet / their tale felt bad / it'll free bad theta / bad reel lift theta fetid blather tale / the dirt fable tale / eat filth bred tale / the frail tale debt drab little fate, eh? / he left a drab title / halt drab title fee / I felt the drab tale hate drab tilt? flee! / it drab tale! left, eh? / retail debt left - ha! / BE: retail that fled deaf blather title / BE: leather tilt fad / ah - bereft tilt deal! / had feeble rat tilt ah! ebert tidal felt! / tell: ebert had a fit
Q: What do Battlefield Earth and Russian Roulette have in common? A: You have to go through it up to six times before you "get it".
Q: How come scientologists see Battlefield Earth again and again? A: One of their body thetans didn't "get it".
Q: Did you see George Lucas' favorable comments about Battlefield Earth? A: Neither did he.
(a scene at John Travolta's house tonight) JOHN: NOOooooooooooooooooooooo! BODY THETAN: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! JOHN: NOOOOooooooOOOOooooooooooooooooo! XENU: BWAHARHARHAHAHAHARHARHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! JOHN: NNNNNOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Q: Did you hear about Warner Bros.' distribution plan for the Battlefield Earth video? A: They're going to drop them all into volcanoes and blow them up with H-bombs.
Q: Why did John Travolta's character in Battlefield Earth have giant rubber hands? A: To cover the soup cans.
Q: Did you hear about Travolta's next film project? A: Look Who's Tanking
Q: Did you hear about the film he's doing after that? A: The Boy on the Career Bubble
Q: What's the difference between Stanley Kubrick and John Travolta? A: One's a fine example of American culture and the other's a fine example of American
