apollonia asked this question on 5/7/2000:
I have been depressed for about two years, I am 18 years old, in college. Even though it was hard for me, I finally had the guts to go to counselling this year. I was quickly diagnosed by a doctor (as if I needed it confirmed) to have severe depression. He prescribed a heavy dose of effexor and suggested I keep on with the counselling. But I hated counselling, so I quit, and I refuse to take medication, for a lot of reasons.... and I know rejecting help is my fault, but I still wish I had somewhere else to go... I want desperately to feel good and go on with life, but I jsut can't make myself because on some level I really don't want to get better... I don't feel I deserve it. So now I am backing myself into this aweful place with nowhere to go... any thoughts? (besides suicide...)
grwolfe4268 gave this response on 5/10/2000:
First of all Apollonia, I want to let you know that I'm praying for you. I truely believe in the power of prayer. You said that to a certain degree you don't want a healing. That sounds like you are trying punish yourself. Some how and only you can answer this, you stop loving yourself. I want you to know that we all go through times of thinking there is no way out, but time does heal hurts that we caused, other that came into our lives. I'm going through a time of sadness myself right now, my wife left me,we are married going on 34 years. She is going through change of life, and my mouth got me into trouble many times by saying hurtful things to her. I can't bl;ame it all on Viet Nam but it plays a big part in it. I must point the finger at myself, but don't beat myself up over it. Do you go to church? Try finding a good church grounded in Gods word. Seek true love in fellowship with christian. I have made it through my problem, and its still there but I'm trusting in the Lord for the strength , his strength. I can't do it on my own. Seek Jesus Christ, and you will find he has the answers to all our problems. Don't give up, but give in. \You tried to do it on your own, now let him help you, and continue to reach out to people that truely care. I care. I will be here for you. GARY