Anonymous asked this question on 5/2/2000:

Hi,

I am 26 yrs old and I am feeling severely depressed for several reasons. I broke up with my girlfriend last year and I feel that I have hurt her badly, but I really don't think she was right for me (as in building a future, marriage, etc).

It was a shock because we dated for 6 yrs, and I knew she wasn't "right" for quite some time and kept postponing breaking up our relationship. She is a very nice girl and at least I didn't "dump" her for another or anything. I'm still not seeing anyone and I think that she knows this. I don't want to hurt her but I also don't want to give her false hopes by calling and writing; but by not doing so I fear she must think I am extremely mean and that I don't care for her. It was somehow expected that we would marry after all that time and maybe I'm just not up to that.

Another reason I am depressed is that I have a Business Administration degree (and have had an excellent education) and I feel I have a pretty lousy job. I often reply to ads and go to interviews but I don't have much success with these. I feel that I'm "stuck" professionally. I work many hours and I feel that I don't have enough free time to enjoy. I am constantly stressed.

Also, my family was quite wealthy once but now my parents are almost broke and I worry for them. I would like to help them out and perhaps open a shop with them (we could borrow the money from rich relatives) but I feel that I need my independence as well, and that if I worked in a shop FOR them then I would never really be independent! I love them very much and seem to care for them more than my sisters! I have been thinking of how it would be to leave my job and do the shop thing, but I fear that then I really would not progress in any career (I always had an idea that I would make it big!)

I am also afraid I've messed up my reputation by doing something very stupid (didn't harm anyone or anything like that...more like made a fool out of myself), word gets around, and I don't know how to recover from that incident. I feel that every body knows what happened or at least notices that my behaviour has changed since then (by being so paranoid perhaps?).

I don't have any friends and my friends live 200 miles away! I took my degree in another city (made friends there) and have moved back to live with my parents a year after graduation. I have lost contact with past friends or found that we have different interests now.

And oh yes, I recently discovered that I have male pattern baldness (balding) and I am going quite fat (slacking). I plan to start exercising but keep on postponing it!

Lately I may be drinking slightly too much (I've always liked drinking...sometimes I would exaggerate when I would go out.but it never REALLY got out of hand otherwise).

As you can see, plenty of reasons to be depressed!

I think I may be coping quite well actually, considering. This could be due to a strong character (never have been the depressed type, rather the contrary) but even so it's really starting to put a strain on me. I also live in a sunny country, which helps. I am constantly thinking of how shitty my life has become and have troubles sleeping properly at night (which doesn't help at work!).

A handful!

Thanks to anyone who cares to give me his or her views!

kinghappy gave this response on 5/2/2000:

everyone experiences depression at one time or another, even if they have previously never had such problems. it is good htat you have a strong character as this will be the key in pulling you out of this slump. others can help, but any real progress must come from you. about feeling guilty about your ex, this is natural, and it is nice to know that you are a compassionate person. with time as both of you move on, the guilt will subside. to help you along, maybe you should talk to her about it, she may not be as upset as you think, especially now that some time has passed. it might make you feel better to see that shes doing fine and maybe just talk to her to get some closure on the situation. of course, if it gets too emotionally involved for either of you, it should stop. as for your parents, you must remember that your main responsibility is to yourself. help them how you can, but do not sacrifice yourself or your independence for them. this will cause you to be very unhappy and as your parents, the last thing they want is for you to be unhappy. but a small sacrifice might help. again, it is nice to see that you are such a compassionate person. i think that is great, but you must remember that the feelings and welfare of others is not your sole respomsibility. it is important to be thoughtful and caring, but you must remember that you have to take care of yourself and that the happiness of others is not dierectly in your control. i would suggest that you lay off the drinking while you are in this stage of your life, it will only make things worse. for the sleeping, excercise is very helpful for sleeping problems as well as your weight issue. i would also suggest trying to cut back on caffeine and sugars. try waiting to go to bed until you are dead tired a few nights, so htat you dont just lay there staring at the ceiling. i would also suggest that you see someone in person, preferrably a therapist of some sort. at this site we are very limited in diagnostic capabilities compared to talking to someone in person. we can get you on the right path, but real progress may take some time. of course the deciding factor is you, and your strong character. hope this helps, good luck.

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