Anonymous asked this question on 4/25/2000:
Hi. I am a 26 year old single mom. I was abused for most of my life, both physically and mentally. First by my alcoholic mother and then by drug dependant mates. After two sequential abusive relationships, I'm single for the first time. I decided to take time for myself to figure out how to avoid people who use and abuse me. In addition, I wanted to figure out how to deal with my illnesses.
I have all the symptoms of the woman mentioned previously, however, I have no family support. I do have one close friend who understands and helps when he can, but he works 2 jobs and has a family of his own.
I am co-dependant, have social anxiety, depression and suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Which leads me to suffer from low self esteem because I can't hold down a job or have much social involvement. I rarely leave my home or have company.
I live like a turtle in a messy shell and I hate it. For about a year, I haven't been able to keep normal sleeping patterns. I sleep during the day and wake every morning at about two am. Usually, I wake up thinking about an upsetting traumatic event in my life. I used to love school, but my grades are dropping now because I can't stay focused anymore.
Sometimes I relive parts of my past (mentally)and confront my abusers in my mind(by talking out loud). I am aware when I'm doing it. I never do it around people, however, I end up wondering if I fully lost it. Afterwards,I feel as if the issue gets resolved temporarily. I push it to the side for a little while, but ofcourse, it comes back because it's not fully or even partially resolved.
I can not talk to my mother about it because she sometimes still has abusive tendancies towards me. She has a lot of issues to deal with on her own. She's like dealing with a bully who's bigger yet mentally under-developed, due to the alcohol dependancy.
I am concerned about me talking to myself. It never happens when people are around but I'm concerned by it. I can't help feeling as if I'm going crazy.
I will start recieving therapy because I know I need to get over this heap and go on with my life. Is there anyway I can recieve help without the use of drugs? I don't even use cold medicene when I need it. I feel funny about using any kind of drug.
rammice gave this response on 4/25/2000:
Hello there. Reading about your daily struggles is like looking in a mirror. First, it is important that i tell you that I am not a licensed professional....I get my "expertise" from my personal experience mostly. (I have PTSD and major depression with self mutilation - related to gulf war experience)
I personally do not think that talking to yourself means that you've totally flipped, especially considering the fact that you are aware of it. It may perhaps be an instinct response to your internal pain. It may be your heart's cry for help. You have probably kept this pain locked away inside, and this may be the time for you to deal with it.
As far as the medication....the question of psychology vs. psychiatry.... Again, I am not a doctor and i do not know your entire case history....but i can tell you that there are options to prescription medications. Some people respond very well to counseling, group or individual. Some people prefer to practice natural medicine....like with vitamins and herbs. Some people like "alternative" medicine or therapy like yoga, meditation, etc. For me personally, I take the prescribed medicine and attend group and individual therapy. My meds help me sleep at night and they relieve my depression and anxiety during the day. Many people get nervous about being all "zoned out" when on meds, and choose not to take them....but if you talk to your doctor and voice your concerns, I'm sure something appropriate can be found for you. (I am in no way pushing the idea of meds onto you....i respect your choice)
I wish you all the luck in the world....may you find peace and closure and happiness.
sincerely, Miss Rammice :o)