Life

Subject: Life
Answered By: samvak
Asked By: Anonymous

Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

Hi, my name is Fabiano I am 18 years-old

My childhood was a kind of sad... I wasn't being abused, but I missed some praising, friends and health activities, such as sports, clubs, etc...

Then I develped, a inferiority complex, and a low self-esteem with the age of 12 to 15

Then I start to use drugs to find confidence, wellness and emotion. age 15-17

After that, I had some spiritual aspects and happenings. I stopped with all drugs. 17

Now, my goal in life is develop a good mind. I have very bad social beliefs in my mind.

But also, I have read tons of books, and had a lot of contacts with many religions, out-of-body center of study and other places

This, makes me think that I am really special, and I have the best common-sense in the world. In my mind now, I think that I have a awesome knoledge and the best common-sense.

I also wear masks in the school, and I feel fake walking in the hallways...

I try to do a lot of mental work to get my mind used to good thoughts... I can say that I have a resonable self-discipline with doing my mental daily routine.

I have no friends, and makes me really sad, because I feel like I have a bad energy.

The weird part that I have a really positive speech, but I have a negative subconsciousness

My main problems are: 1. Not feeling that I am being myself 2. Don't having friends 3. Not living a real life

Do you have a advice, or a experience to tell me... ? I am tired of the same problems over and over again...

Thank you very much, Fabiano

samvak gave this response on 4/16/2000:

Dear Fabiano,

It is encouraging to see how aware you are of your problems. You are lucky - you know that something is wrong, you feel fake and you are trying to do something about it (writing this letter, your "mental exercises"). Many people go through an unreal life, wearing masks and faking their existence without EVER doubting themselves.

You say that you have "bad beliefs" and "bad energy". I believe that you are referring to anger, even rage. You are very angry and frustrated. NORMALLY, you feel that you want to do something about it. Hitherto, you internalized this anger and self destructed through drugs and by punishing yourself (for instance, by isolating yourself socially). But this made you very sad (probably depressed - we always mourn ourselves and grieve our own disintegration especially if we are the one who perpetrate it).

But you have also been feeling urges to direct your wrath and rage at others. This, evidently, worries you very much. You are afraid you might do something you will greatly regret later.

So, your first urgent task is to find out what is the source of such immense anger and to confront this source. "To confront" I mean: to talk, to communicate, to understand, to accept and to be at peace with yourself and with this source.

You are hiding yourself behind masks, you are living someone else's life, you are "fake", you do not feel that your life is real (it is like watching a movie, or a dream).

These are DEFENSE mechanisms. You are protecting yourself against hurt and pain, against humiliation and defeat - by letting "someone else" (a False Self) experience all these unpleasanteness and agony. This False Self is omnipotent (all-powerful), omniscient (knows it all) and all-pervasive (there is no area of your life exempt from its existence). Your True Self, in the meantime, languishes and degenerates due to "lack of use", relegated to the sidelines of your psyche.

This is your second urgent task (and you might need professional help in accomplishing it):

To re-assert your True Self, to let it grow in a safe and nourishing environment and, thus, to render the False Self useless and to get rid of it.

You are young. It can be done. It has been done.

Go here to learn more:

http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/

Good luck to you and do the right thing!

Sam

Sam Vaknin, Ph.D. E-mail : palma@unet.com.mk OR (as backup) samvak@briefcase.com http://samvak.tripod.com/thebook.html ("Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited") http://samvak.tripod.com/after.html ("After the Rain - How the West Lost the East") http://samvak.tripod.com/guide.html (Issues in Micro and Macroeconomics) http://samvak.tripod.com/index.html (The Main Gate to my Sites concerning Pathological Narcissism) http://samvak.tripod.com/culture.html (Philosophical Musings) Author Archive of Political Columns http://www.ce-review.org/authorarchives/vaknin_archive/vaknin_main.html

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on

4/16/2000: Dear Sam,

How can I improve my concentration ? How can I start living my life being my self ? How can I have control of my life ?

I am not angry. I am tired of having the same problems over and over again ? I know what are the problems.

The problems is that stays in my mind It's very into my mind.

I am doing daily THOUGHT-CHANGING-EXERCICES to get my mind used to think different.

samvak gave this response on 4/17/2000:

Dear Fabiano,

If you wanted to design computer chips - you would go to the appropriate university and listen to other people (the professors) tell you how to do it.

Getting better is an art and profession. It is much more complex than chip design. Get an expert to help you. Obviously, you are not entirelyt successful on your own - you are not happy.

You sound like a sensitive and sensible person. You aspire for the good. You are ready for a change.

Go for it.

Sam

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on

4/17/2000: Hey, sam

I am curious, What is your spiritual background ??

samvak gave this response on 4/18/2000:

Dear Fabiano,

You can learn more about me here:

http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/cv.html

http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/archive17.html

http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/archive29.html

http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/introduction.html

Take care and do the right thing,

Sam

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Anonymous rated this answer a 4.

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