Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

Hi, my name is Fabiano I am 18 years-old

My childhood was a kind of sad... I wasn't being abused, but I missed some praising, friends and health activities, such as sports, clubs, etc...

Then I develped, a inferiority complex, and a low self-esteem with the age of 12 to 15

Then I start to use drugs to find confidence, wellness and emotion. age 15-17

After that, I had some spiritual aspects and happenings. I stopped with all drugs. 17

Now, my goal in life is develop a good mind. I have very bad social beliefs in my mind.

But also, I have read tons of books, and had a lot of contacts with many religions, out-of-body center of study and other places

This, makes me think that I am really special, and I have the best common-sense in the world. In my mind now, I think that I have a awesome knoledge and the best common-sense.

I also wear masks in the school, and I feel fake walking in the hallways...

I try to do a lot of mental work to get my mind used to good thoughts... I can say that I have a resonable self-discipline with doing my mental daily routine.

I have no friends, and makes me really sad, because I feel like I have a bad energy.

The weird part that I have a really positive speech, but I have a negative subconsciousness

My main problems are: 1. Not feeling that I am being myself 2. Don't having friends 3. Not living a real life

Do you have a advice, or a experience to tell me... ? I am tired of the same problems over and over again...

Thank you very much, Fabiano

karunap gave this response on 4/15/2000:

Let me ask you some questions first and then I will say more>

1) Why do you think you don't have friends? What gets in the way?

2) Where (in the world) do you live?

3) Do you live with your family? alone? at school?

I am glad that you quit taking drugs and that you are involved in spiritual processes.

I will say more after I get the answers to your questions. I blend psychotherapy and spiritual processes so probably do have some things to share with you.

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 4/15/2000:

Thanks, Karuna Poole for the fast answer and your attention.

1.I am brazilian, but I am living in Grand Rapids - Michigan as a exchange student with a Host Family

2.I think that I don't have friends because I don't feel any bound with anybody. I know a lot of people, but what I don't have is REAL friends. I think what gets in the way is my old negative beliefs towards "outside people"

Thank you, Fabiano

karunap gave this response on 4/15/2000:

Thanks...

I have a variety of suggestions for you.

First of all, even though you have made some degree of peace with your past, the sad, anger and scare from your childhood experiences is stored inside of you. If you start working on releasing those feelings and memories from your body you will free up a lot of energy.

I suggest people do 15-60 minutes a day of feeling work. (Not forever... but until the energy is gone).

There are many forms. Some examples:

Write lists of mads, sads and scares. Journal about past and present feelings, Feel them as you write. Write angry letters and then destroy them Twist a towel Pound a pillow. Push against a wall pretending you are pushing away people you are angry with. Scream into a pillow or pool. Stomp as you walk

Working on positive self talk will help but it is usually not enough. The above will help you release all of the negative messages that are inside. You may find it helpful to get some counseling also.

When you are with people.... or in your life in general and negative thoughts come think about where you learned them. Is it your mothers voice? Is it your father's voice? Tell them (in your mind) that you are not willing to think that way any more. You can even write the negative message down and then tear it up and throw it away.

You might find it helpful to read GROWING UP AGAIN, GOOD GRIEF RITUALS and LETTING GO OF SUFFERING. They have lots of info that will guide you in your healing.

I wrote a book about my integration of spiritual and psychological processes. It is called GETTING TO JOY: A Western Householder's Spiritual Journey with Mata Amritanandamayi. It is available from www.amazon.com

Mata Amritanandamayi (also called Ammachi) will be coming to Chicago this summer. She has an ashram somewhere in Michigan. If you are interested you can get more info at www.ammachi.org

Your lack of bonding is probably from early childhood events as well. If you can see if you can find a good counselor... one who helps you learn as opposed to just putting people on medication.

See if you can find some people who have interests similar to yours. Spend time with them even if it is uncomfortable. Look particularly for people that have spiritual interests that are similar to yours.

WEll, that is a beginning.... Feel free to ask if you don't understand anything I said.

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 4/15/2000:

Karunap,

I've been doing what I call "Mental Work", I made a list of about 13 thoughts that I have to stick into my mind.

Is this a good way of changing my mind ? Can you think of most effective ways of doing beliefs changing?

I discovered the power of writing stuff down on the paper couple months ago, is really powerful.

Well, About the Mom's voice , I cannot listen... I mean, It's hard to detect exactly what is the belief...

And also, what can a procastinator-and a kinda lazy do for improve his level of concentration ? Some exercices ??

karunap gave this response on 4/16/2000:

I can give you some ideas for the mental work.... but remember you need to do the feeling/body work as well.

I have my clients buy a talley counter from an office supply store. They then take one positive message and say it (and count it with the counter) between 1000 and 20,000 times a day for three weeks. They should be short messages. You can say them as fast as you can. The effectiveness is amazing.

Another one is to write the positive message. Next to it write the detracter that comes up. Then write the positive message again.. then whatever detractor comes next. Do this 50 times. I suggest you do that exercise every day for 1 week.... at least.

example

I am good...... no you aren't I am good...... you better not start believing that I am good...... baloney I am good....... you are bad.

etc.

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 4/16/2000:

Thanks Karunap, But what is a talley counter ??

And do you know some exercices especifically for improve concentration level ?

karunap gave this response on 4/16/2000:

A talley counter is a device used for taking inventory. You can find it at an office supply store.

No.... I don't know exercises for concentration.

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