Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

Hi, my name is Fabiano I am 18 years-old

My childhood was a kind of sad... I wasn't being abused, but I missed some praising, friends and health activities, such as sports, clubs, etc...

Then I develped, a inferiority complex, and a low self-esteem with the age of 12 to 15

Then I start to use drugs to find confidence, wellness and emotion. age 15-17

After that, I had some spiritual aspects and happenings. I stopped with all drugs. 17

Now, my goal in life is develop a good mind. I have very bad social beliefs in my mind.

But also, I have read tons of books, and had a lot of contacts with many religions, out-of-body center of study and other places

This, makes me think that I am really special, and I have the best common-sense in the world. In my mind now, I think that I have a awesome knoledge and the best common-sense.

I also wear masks in the school, and I feel fake walking in the hallways...

I try to do a lot of mental work to get my mind used to good thoughts... I can say that I have a resonable self-discipline with doing my mental daily routine.

I have no friends, and makes me really sad, because I feel like I have a bad energy.

The weird part that I have a really positive speech, but I have a negative subconsciousness

My main problems are: 1. Not feeling that I am being myself 2. Don't having friends 3. Not living a real life

Do you have a advice, or a experience to tell me... ? I am tired of the same problems over and over again...

Thank you very much, Fabiano

kinghappy gave this response on 4/16/2000:

first off, let me say that i am glad you stopped with the drugs. good move. also, from what you told me about your earlier times, insecurity, drugs etc. it sounds like you went through the things many teenagers go through. so there is no need to feel bad about those things. as far as getting through this negative mood you are experiencing i strongly suggest talking to a professional in person as that is sure to be more effective than any of the experts here can do. getting rid of that negative thinking may take a little time and it will be sped up by someone who is able to work with you in person( therapist, counselor, school counselor, etc.) here we can only give advice and help you find a starting point. the best advice i can give right now is to stay active. get involved in something that intrigues you. maybe sports, or some kind of club at school. this will help you make friends and staying busy will help distract you from your negative thinking. in regards to the negative thinking you have to get rid of that from the inside out. everytime you have a negative thought try to invalidate it. think about why that thought is not true. focus on how strong you were to get past the drugs and how you have been gaining knowledge. these are positive aspects of yourself that you should be focusing on. as far as not being yourself, this is common with depression. a feeling that the person you show everyone else is not the real you. the best way to avoid this problem is again to get rid of the negative thinking that leads to your depression. again, stay busy and active and try to get involved with something. in all, it sounds like the root of your problem is your negative thought process. try to focus on what is good about you. (your mind, your strength, your attitude that you are special, which is right by the way). when you have those negative thoughts, try to correct them immediately and stay active so that you dont have time to brood over those bad thoughts. your best option though is to see someone in person to help you through this. also i must ask what do you mean by negative social beliefs? i assume you mean your views about people in general, but that is just an assumption. please clarify if you will and maybe give some specifics. thank you.

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 4/16/2000:

Thanx KingHappy

What I mean by negative social beliefs is that people in general are different. People had wonderful childhood and I had a horrible one with no praising.

I know a lot of people, I am not shy at all. The problem is that I have a hard time creating bounds with people.

And I don't know how is my SOCIAL SELF. I dont know How I AM ..

kinghappy gave this response on 4/16/2000:

man that was quick. you're right, people are different. but you must remember that everyone did not have picture perfect childhoods, even if they claim they did. i am willing to bet that alot more people have had a childhood similiar to yours. so you should try to remember that when you feel different. nobody's life is perfect. in fact there is no better way to be different than to have had a perfect life. however, when we learn from the negatie experiences that is how we become better people. no man can be more unhappy than one who has never suffered. of course i am not trying to belittle your experiences. i understand how a childhood without praise and support can be painful. how to create bonds. i must admit a little ignorance on this one. you say you are not shy. you just dont have any "close" friends. part of this problem might come from your negative thought process. maybe you're afraid that since you view yourself as different that others will too and maybe they wont want to get close to you. so you hide the real you and close yourself off. you might be isolating yourself a little bit. this creates a kind of circle. i would suggest finding someone you feel real comfortable around, someone who is compassionate and understanding and spending some quality time with them. maybe you can open up to this person and talk to them about what is on your mind in regards to all of this. in return offer that person a chance to talk to you about some stuff they have been thinking about. this may help you become closer. of course i understand that feeling isolated like you do, opening up to anybody can be an alien and difficult experience. that is why i suggested talking to a professional (this can be a therapist or a spiritual advisor, whichever you feel more comfortable with) or perhaps a family member in person to help work through this a little so maybe once you have it all in perspective it might be a little easier to open up to someone on a personal level. of course me and the other people at this site will be here to help along the way and would be more than happy to assist.

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