meganb2319 asked this question on 7/12/2000:

Hello...I have been with my boyfriend for three years and am madly in love with him. I know he loves me too. My problem is...he has broken up with me three times. The last time, we were engaged. He never breaks up with me to see other women. In fact, I am the one who dates other people when we brake up...this is only because I think the best way to get over someone is to move on to someone else...so when I think it may be over for good this time, I date someone else, but I always end up coming back to him. Not just because he's comfotable either. Because I am completely in love with who he is and who I know he'll become. We have so much in common...our work ethic, college drive, attraction for each other, life goals, etc.

The thing is...we just got back together at the end of April, after what I thought was really the end for us. He told me a couple of days ago that he was thinking of proposing to me again. I want more than anything to wear that ring, but I don't want it unless it's forever. I don't want to looke silly going back to school in the fall, showing everyone my ring, AGAIN, and then one day walking in to class without it!

I know we were meant to be together...everything about how we got together, to how he got the ring in the first place is fate! The ring was a Christmas miracle, an "angel" gave him the ring for way less than the price, which is the only reason he was able to afford it.

He says he breaks up with me because he feels unworthy of my love. He knows he loves me more than anyone else ever could and he would do anything for me, but he feels like he is going nowhere in life. He's 22 and has not begun college. His parents do not help him financially, so he had to work two jobs to afford rent, which left no money or time for school. He has the drive to get back in, and now has a job that will allow him, but he is so afraid of failure. I'm 21, work full-time at a hospital, and attend college full-time, so he doesn't think he stacks up, and is just starting to realize that I love him no matter what.

The ultimate question is...should I take a chance on the only person I will ever love with all my heart? Should I wear the ring now? Should I wait until we're together for a longer period of time before I take it back? And please, no one tell me to get rid of him...that is not an option. I know we'll grow old together...I just need to know if it starts now.

Please help me make a decision. I have to give him some kind of answer soon, even if it's that I need more time. Also, I don't want to hurt him...I love him with all that I am!!

Megan

SeekTrueLove gave this response on 7/12/2000:

Dear Megan,

Your boyfriend sounds like he is suffering from low self-esteem. He has some issues to work out in regards to loving himself. Because he doesn't love himself, your love will never seem quite real to him.

I suggest that you tell him that you love him no matter what, much like the vows that you would recite at a wedding - "for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc."

Tell him that you will gladly wear his ring, but that HE has to make sure that he is ready to make a commitment. To keep on giving and taking back the ring is not fair to you and your feelings.

Unfortunately, he is so preoccupied with feeling sorry for himself that he has not considered what you are going through. I hope that he can grow to love himself, and appreciate himself as much as you do. Talk things through and hopefully, this time, the ring will lead to an actual wedding date.

Amen.

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