meganb2319 asked this question on 7/12/2000:

Hello...I have been with my boyfriend for three years and am madly in love with him. I know he loves me too. My problem is...he has broken up with me three times. The last time, we were engaged. He never breaks up with me to see other women. In fact, I am the one who dates other people when we brake up...this is only because I think the best way to get over someone is to move on to someone else...so when I think it may be over for good this time, I date someone else, but I always end up coming back to him. Not just because he's comfotable either. Because I am completely in love with who he is and who I know he'll become. We have so much in common...our work ethic, college drive, attraction for each other, life goals, etc.

The thing is...we just got back together at the end of April, after what I thought was really the end for us. He told me a couple of days ago that he was thinking of proposing to me again. I want more than anything to wear that ring, but I don't want it unless it's forever. I don't want to looke silly going back to school in the fall, showing everyone my ring, AGAIN, and then one day walking in to class without it!

I know we were meant to be together...everything about how we got together, to how he got the ring in the first place is fate! The ring was a Christmas miracle, an "angel" gave him the ring for way less than the price, which is the only reason he was able to afford it.

He says he breaks up with me because he feels unworthy of my love. He knows he loves me more than anyone else ever could and he would do anything for me, but he feels like he is going nowhere in life. He's 22 and has not begun college. His parents do not help him financially, so he had to work two jobs to afford rent, which left no money or time for school. He has the drive to get back in, and now has a job that will allow him, but he is so afraid of failure. I'm 21, work full-time at a hospital, and attend college full-time, so he doesn't think he stacks up, and is just starting to realize that I love him no matter what.

The ultimate question is...should I take a chance on the only person I will ever love with all my heart? Should I wear the ring now? Should I wait until we're together for a longer period of time before I take it back? And please, no one tell me to get rid of him...that is not an option. I know we'll grow old together...I just need to know if it starts now.

Please help me make a decision. I have to give him some kind of answer soon, even if it's that I need more time. Also, I don't want to hurt him...I love him with all that I am!!

Megan

Weddinggrrl gave this response on 7/12/2000:

You say that you have so much in common, ie; college drive, etc. However, he is afraid of failure, doesn't think he's good enough for you, etc. He has low self-esteem, which can affect many areas of his life, and your life together.

You can tell him you love him unconditionally until you're blue in the face. What he needs is to get off his butt and make things happen for himself. That will get him out of this slump and give him the confidence he needs.

I would hold off on the engagement until he is 100% sure that is what he wants. You won't accept "I don't deserve you" from him any longer.

Encourage him to get back into school (even if it's only a class at a time!) and get his life in order. Discuss the future, what he wants to do, where you will be in 3 years.

If he screws up, drops out, and gives up, you will know that he is not ready for marriage. Even with all of your help, if he cannot stay stable for a while, he is probably going to be like that forever. Whether or not you can deal with it is up to you.

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