Anonymous asked this question on 7/11/2000:
Hi, I need some advice. Alright here goes me and my boyfriend (scott) have been dating for a year and a half but during this time I've spent alot of time with one of my bestfriends (joey). I've been into Joey a while and spent alot of time with him even with my bf there (okay there's a group of us 20 or so were all like bestfriends). So like 3 months ago Joey got in a accident on his sport bike(like a nija) and was in a coma for 3 weeks and couldn't talk for 3 after that now he's still in the hospital but is like so in love with me and I know he liked me before but I'm not sure if he's lonely or just in love with me for begning there through this life changing almost dealth sitution of his. Also with my current bf he'll be upset with us both and possibily turn my other friends that mean so much to me away from me and joey both. But I think I love Joey to and plan to move in with my sister this week I live with my bf now and start seeing joey . tell me what you think. please something I need some direction in this sitution.
LadyMara gave this response on 7/11/2000:
Ok....
You have two possibly explosive situations going on here. You have the present boyfriend who could upset things with your other friends if you upset him. And you have the new gentleman who you are not sure if he feels real feelings for you or gratitude.
You really need to back off from both and be totally honest with everyone. It is not necessary to discuss all of the details with all of your friends at this time as long as you do not do anything to be ashamed of. Tell Scott that you are not sure you still want to be involved in a relationship with him and want to back up to being friends until you figure it out. This gives you time to figure out your own heart, and to see how Joey really feels. Never start a new relationship until you end the first one! That is totally dishonest to both of the men.
If you want them to treat you with respect, you have to deserve respect!! Continue to be a friend to Joey! True friends are difficult to come by! But, don't take the relationship any farther until you are both sure! And until you are pretty sure that you won't alienate everyone you know!! What good would it be to alienate everyone if you find out later that it was a mistake!?! Will it be worth it to lose all of your friends? Take things slow and easy and be honest and your friends will mostly understand whatever choices you eventually make!
There is a very good saying that I adhere to: "Friends that judge don't matter and friends that matter don't judge"!! Keep it real darlin! Don't confuse everyone including yourself!
I hope that this helps a little, I'll be praying for you!
love,
LadyMara
The average rating for this answer is