Anonymous asked this question on 7/6/2000:
Dear LadyMara,
Do you remember me, I'm the nervous man!!
As I told you before, I've a date with a beautiful lady last Wendesday. Thanks for your advice and I really enjoy the date very much!
I get a new problem. We are still ordinary friend...How can I break the "wall" between us and be his boyfriend? In fact, I think she knows my 'romantic intension'. However, she pretends to know nothing and ask me "Why you give me flowers?"
I wanna date her again, however, is it too rush if I ask her again?
Best Regards,
Nervous Man
PS I like your answers very much and I've already added you to my favourite expert list.
LadyMara gave this response on 7/6/2000:
Thank you for your confidence in me dear (grin) I will try not to disappoint you!
I have little clue as to how old you and your lady love are, but you sound like you are moving way too fast!
She might very well know your intentions, and her question might have been to get you to express yourself in words. Have you attempted to say "Because I am beginning to have feelings for you?" Or anything like that?
You commented that you don't want to scare her. That is a good start. That meanst that you might love her enough to are beginning to love her enough to think about her feelings and not just your own wants and desires. That is a GOOD.... no GREAT sign!! (smile)
You have only had one date, so it is a little premature to want to move to "boyfriend" so soon, unless she says that she wants it that way. You have to earn a woman's trust, just as she should earn yours.
You need to do things to allow you to continue to get to know her. You need to find out what is important to her. Find out what she likes, what makes her laugh and cry. What is important to her. Make sure that you and she have something in common. Believe it or not women actually notice it when a man puts himself out to be pleasant to us. To do things that you know we like even if you don't like it. If a man I know HATES opera and then asks me to attend La Traviata because he has found out that I want to see it, that would give me a strong clue that he is interested in me. Now if he tried to develop a LIKING for opera in spite of a previous life of snickering comments that he hates it....that tells me that he REEEAAAALLLLYYYYY likes me. Does that make sense? Talk is cheap. The best way to show a woman that you are getting crazy about her is to try to find things that you can have in common, or trying to appreciate some of the things that she finds in common. A woman worthy of you will do the same thing and try to find things about you that she can share.
Think about it...women have been doing it for centuries. How many times have women pretended to like sports or somesuch to get and keep the interest of a man that they want? It works. But, in the 21st century, women are demanding equal treatment. We are sick of freezing through football games all the time while being forced intto sneaking out with our girlfriends to share books and shopping and plays when we would much rather spend that time with our men. And pretending that we are ok with it. Many women get tired of the onesided giving and after a while let the man watch his sports alone...That is sad. It should be mutual.
Doing this also will give you a better idea if you are suited to each other. If the things that she likes to do drive you crazy now, think how they will drive you crazy if you have to live together for years upon end? Or if the things that you like to do are not things that she is willing to put up with.
This sounds like something other than what you asked, but it is exactly what you need to do to get her attention and let her know that you want more from her than just friendship... and by all means do NOT push aside friendship. Continue to be and grow as friends. Women want the man in their lives to be their best friends. If you can not imagine being friends with the love of your life, tell her now so that she can look somewhere else. Few women will stay in a relationship if they KNOW that the man doesn't want to be friends TOO. The ones who do usually do not understand.
So, my point is that there is no magic potion that will make you be able to walk up to her and say "I want to be your boyfriend" and guarantee that she will accept you. You have to figure out what is important to your lady and then decide if she is important enough for you to go there. Once she sees it and BELIEVES it, that opens the door for her to let you know that she wants you too.... then you have a lot better chance of just saying out of the blue "I want to be your boyfriend" Or "I want you to be my girlfriend"!! lessening the chances of rejection!!
Good luck, and let me know if I can be of any further assistance.
love,
LadyMara
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 7/7/2000:
Dear LadyMara,
I get a good news!! In the next Saturday (15/7/2000), she's willing to have a date with me again!!
However, I still have a problem... What should we do during our date? Seeing a film? Would you please suggest some program for me?
Also, what's my next step?
Best Regards,
Nervous Man
PS I have not attempted to say "Because I am beginning to have feelings for you?" Or anything like that. I just kept silence...
LadyMara gave this response on 7/11/2000:
Nervous Man!
Hi honey...sorry I haven't answered you sooner! (grin) I am proud of you! Another date!!
Now, don't mess it up by trying to rush things! Take it slow....get to know her. Don't push her and possibly scare her.
What to do now? With the nice weather going around there are a lot of outdoor choices. My advice is still to find out what SHE likes. If you didn't ask her questions about her likes on the first date that is going to make that a little difficult.... but a picnic is usually a nice choice. Most women like them and they are easy on a guy who can't cook (grin). You can easily impress her with tasteful coldcuts.... meats, cheeses, bread and/or crackers, fruit, salad, cold chicken and maybe a bottle of chilled wine..... make sure there is a large quantity of them all so that you can make up a meal and you will be fine. Have a NICE blanket (no scratchy army blanket) or quilt to lounge on.....and DON'T get fresh unless she appears to want it. You are trying to romance her not pounce on her!
Then there are amusement parks. Most women love it when a guy tries to win her teddy bears and cheap jewelry (grin) at arcades.
Yes, movies are a possibility....but try to pick something that might appeal to her. Don't pick the bloodiest, goriest action/macabre film unless you think that is something she would like. If it would make a woman cry, she would probably love it. Or at least won't be grossed out by it....
Now...a movie is nice. And you want to move slow...but if you are thinking that this woman could possibly be the "ONE" for you... you need to make your choices as "personal" as you can. If a man wants me to consider a "movie" personal... instead of taking me to the theatre he can have me over to supper at his place and rent a couple of movies.... CLEAN ones. Several choices, that way you will have a better chance of having something she would like..... All the comforts of the theatre (popcorn, soda, candy...etc) but also the ability to remove your shoes and prop your feet up....AND watch another one for the same cost!! (grin)
And don't forget the flowers!! (grin) She didn't turn them away last time did she? Don't go overboard, but continue with a good trend. Don't just get her flowers on anniversaries or when you need to say "I'm sorry"!! LOL Punctuate most of your dates with some little "token" that means that you are thinking of her. If she is worth anything she will do the same thing. Or something else to make you feel special to her!
And remember what I said!! DON'T push things. Let nature take over. If it is meant to be it will be!! As for not being able to get the words out.... send her a little card.... there are soooo many nice little "I'm starting to really like you" cards out there! Spend some time in a Hallmark Store or even online in AmericanGreetings.com (hopefully she has an email address!) and send her a card or two. And if you can't get the nerve up yet....so what? Don't worry..... it will come! You sound like you are doing fine!!
Let me know if you want/need any more ideas or help! Good luck....I'll be praying for you again!
love,
LadyMara
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