liquidfemale asked this question on 7/10/2000:

OK, I am a 23 year old female. I've been dating and such since at least age 16, lost my virginity at 19 but was sexual since 16. My male friend for about a decade now told me something recently that I really want to find out if he's right about. He has been right about me in the past so I'm taking it seriously. He told me that the guys I'm attracted to are a$$holes and I only go after them because I want to be challenged. He told me this after I was complaining to him about guys I've gone out with one night (really sensitive of me huh?) I don't have any interest in my friend, he's too much like a brother, but he seems so rare. He's smart, VERY attractive and super-nice. Not very social though, he reads a lot and likes to stay at home. I don't think he is attracted to me either.

Anyhow, I am attractive and tall and probably intimidating to some guys. So I was thinking that maybe confidence and a$$holes go hand in hand. I know it must take confidence to come up and talk to me so maybe it's not that I look for a$$holes. Maybe it's that only confident guys can approach me, and they are all a$$holes. What do you think about that?

Furthermore, my friend and I went in search of a "nice guy" one day. We went to talk to the bookworms at our college and the guys who sign up for community service and stuff. And I'll tell you a lot of them are just dorks. One of them kept writing all over himself because he was fidgiting with his pen and stuff.

SO, I want to know how guys grow up to be what they are. Why do some of them grow up to be confident and competent and charming but also untrustworthy and just mean. And a lot of the guys who grow up to be sensitive to people and might be trustworthy and such are just socially inept and sometimes smell. My friend says that it's partly the fault of the way women treat men and what they expect men to fulfill for them. Like strength and such. I'll admit that has to be somewhat true, but it can't be all.

So explain guys to me please, please, please.

Oh yeah, and don't try telling me I have self esteem problems. Those a$$holes go out as fast as they came in when they start showing their true colors and I'm a pretty happy person. I just would like to find someone who is: attractive, strong, trustworthy, nice, socially adept and smart. And I'd like to know why some of these seem to conradict each other.

=)

Thanks in advance.

mhardenbrook gave this response on 7/10/2000:

This is only my opinion, okay. I personally feel that with the advent of so many working mothers, little boys do not get the training that they did a generation ago in the proper way to treat a woman, they learn by watching t.v., talking to their friends(the blind leadingthe blind)and by experimenting with what gets them what they want. SO men fall into two basic catagories, the ones that look good and have social skills but treat women like they have little or no value; and the sensitive men, who have had no training in social skills, may be bookish, and on top of everything else have never been taught that women want a man who smells good. With the first type of man, as long as he gets what he wants by abusing the women in his life, he will never change. With the second type of man, he is highly trainable, eager to have a woman take hold of him, teach him the social graces and how to dress and smell nice. Having had both types of men in my life over the course of years, I will take a socially inept, bookish, smelly man any day of the week. Their sensitivity is what draws me, they take instruction eagerly and end up socially graceful, well dressed, smelling wonderful and are great lovers.

liquidfemale asked this follow-up question on 7/10/2000:

OK cool, then answer me this. Do you think I should try dating my friend. I don't really feel that way about him. But he has ALL the qualities I want in a guy except that he needs to have a little more fun. Which I think I could "train" him to do. But, I don't want to mess up the freindship. But he's also the best guy I've ever met.

mhardenbrook gave this response on 7/10/2000:

Yes, by all means date your friend. If it does not work out as boyfriend/girlfriend you can always revert back to just friends, there is no reason why you can't remain friends even after you discover that anything more is not in the cards.

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