Anonymous asked this question on 7/10/2000:

I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 29. We've been dating for a little over a year and plan to get married. We've been friends for 10 years, and dated very briefly when I was 16 (he broke my heart pretty bad).

now that you know the background, here is the problem. I found out a couple days ago that he "made out" with 2 girls at the same time. I've met them before, and it's possible that'll meet them again. I think if it didn't happen in a public place, that it would have gone further.

I'll make it clear that we weren't dating at the time, just friends. I can't figure out why it bothers me so much. He's a great guy, and claims that he couldn't have sex with someone without there being emotion involved. This just seems to uncharacteristic(?) of him.

Why does this bother me so much and how can I get over it?

SeekTrueLove gave this response on 7/10/2000:

Dear Anonymous,

It bothers you so much because you can envision or imagine your beloved being intimate/affectionate with someone other than yourself. It's completely natural and understandable that you would be upset.

However, it is in the past, and one shouldn't be judged on what they did a long time ago. You say that he "couldn't have sex with someone without there being emotion involved". Well, he didn't have unemotional sex with these other women, and what's important right now is that he is a "great guy". To you.

Certainly his past actions are uncharacteristic of his present self. But remember that he is different now.

As far as getting over it, time is your friend.

And if you want to see a good movie about this similar topic, rent Chasing Amy. A good and quirky film which has Ben Affleck being adversely affected by the fact that he found out that his girlfriend had a threesome in the past.

Good Luck.

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