The Rapture: The Jesusphile's Un-timely Exit

"When you turn on CNN one day, and see that somewhere near a billion people have disappeared without a trace, and it just happens to have been the Christian church; start reading Revelation." -- Doug Brewer

And that, folks, is the basic belief about "The Rapture." All of the Real True Christians (tm)(©) will be "taken up" on the day the Son of Man (whom they believe to be the Nazarine Jesus) comes to Earth in the name of the desert war god YHWH ("Yahweh") and punishes non-believers, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, spiritualists, False Christian Scum (tm)(©), and all the other believers in god(s) who had the misfortune of being born in the wrong country, to the wrong parents, and into the wrong religion. If you are the wrong type of Christian, you will be left behind with the atheists, to suffer the Tribulation and ultimate damnation. Sorry about that. Tough luck.

Of course the Rapture was supposed to occur some 1,940 years (give or take) ago, in the time of Jesus or a few years after his time. (This was just one of many "prophesies" Jesus was said to have made, which did not come to pass.) Christians have been expecting the Rapture for about twelve centuries, every one of them believing that they were living in the "last age!" One can give them an "A+" for perseverance, and an "F-" for intelligence. Talk about not taking the fucking hint! Anyhow, belief in a Rapture, and that it's "just around the corner" time-wise, still exists among ignorant savages. Damned if I can figure out why.

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